I was bred to be the perfect student in 7th grade. I studied hard, I got good grades. I knew stuff. I said what they wanted me to say. At the time, everyone loved that. Who I was, what kind of a student I was, the drive I had learned to use so fiercely. Looking back, I was molded. They said and I listened. I did everything right.
4 years later, in a soccer tournament I got a concussion and lost whatever I had based myself on and here I am trying to find what I want to be. NOT what I should be. That sounds easy enough. Well, itâ€™s not. Everything I do I feel must be perfect and breaking down my perfectionist and anxiety is proving to be my challenge. I don't entirely blame my elementary school system, I did listen to them and they are not horrible values. What I do blame them for is circumventing the entirety of education and what one could interpret for oneself is instead told in the "correct" way and, being 10 years old, I knew, of course, they were right.
In high school, I am completely discouraged. I see the same thing occur to 16 year olds. Having the experiences I have now, I see through them and don't absorb normality of everyday school. Whatâ€™s the real kicker is my classmates tell me that Iâ€™m not listening right to what they are saying. Or Iâ€™m not appreciative enough. Iâ€™m sorry, the last time I checked, my opinion in an essay does matter and yes, I do believe this and no, I do not like being told Iâ€™m wrong because Iâ€™m only just a student. It is unfortunate I have been so focused on success, performance, and recognition my entire schooling career. I am currently trying to find something that inspires me, and appreciates what I can offer. At the same time, it angers me that 1) schools take advantage of young minds and perceptions and warp them 2) that is so easy to do. What is stopping teacherâ€™s power to influence? The students? Youâ€™re kidding, right. The few that question are extradited or do it such a pompous way with their goal, not being change, but the intent "if you don't understand what Iâ€™m talking about you must be an idiot."
Education and learning, knowledge and interaction of said knowledge are extremely high in what I respect. When it is abused in any way, and these days every way (FOX News, teachers' power, internet, music, Facebook), I no longer can appreciate education in the same way. Teachers who don't allow discussion or alternate opinions are shutting down what they believe they are expressing so adamantly. Telling students A's are the key to success and if you don't get the grades, you arenâ€™t smart somehow. I heard this in middle school. I wish I was kidding. I wish I had been able to rifle through the mess of every institution on this planet. But I couldn't. Iâ€™m discovering myself the hard way, and it is ironic I needed a traumatic brain injury and some C's to figure it out.