I Hate Plastic!

There ought to be a law! Ouch! I promised myself that I, as a true and blue conservative, ought never to be caught saying things like that. It implies that only the government is able to solve everyday problems. Just the same I’m very tempted to say there ought to be a law against those cards. What cards DL? Those plastic cards that are packing my wallet so full that I can’t sit down – those cards.

It seems every business I frequent has a card system that you either subject yourself to, or you pay more. All of this supposedly to identify you. What was wrong with my driver’s license? I had to show it to the grocery store in order to cash checks anyway – so now they look at it and hand you another cute plastic card (good for sneaking into houses I hear) with their store logo on it. All well and good, until you wish to go to the other grocery store across the street – they insist on you using their own card, if you wish to avoid paying higher prices and wish to take advantage of their sales. It seems you’re doomed.

Then there are the cards that identify you as possessing a brokerage account – good for using as a debit to access your own money and avoid credit charges. But, if you lose it or misplace it, you are without larger sums of available cash in an emergency, so you also carry another one of those credit cards from Master or Visa, just in case.

Being a person who is often gifted with gifts on Christmas, Father’s Day, birthdays, and or end-of-school niceties, I also carry several plastic gift cards from Home Depot, Staples, Dicks, Borders, or Wal-Mart — all, it seems, with minor leftover value. Prudence requires that you save them, even for the $1.27 difference between what you bought and the original gift amount. There was a time when they gave you change, but cards are oh so much more fun.

I also happen to be in the age bracket that requires I carry several cards to cover myself for medical reasons: Medicare cards, supplement cards, prescription drug cards, etc. Then there are those “appointment reminder cards,” from the doctor, the dentist and the eye care specialist. The local Hospital also gifted me with their version of a card (to make sure my Medicare card isn’t lying I suppose).

Another variety of cards includes my safe boating card (enables me to legally use my little aluminum boat). There’s the cell phone card, the regular phone card, and the Golden Age Passport card (which allows me a discount at National Parks). There’s also my Social Security Card and oh yes, I almost forgot the senior discount card at the local fish house.

Then there are those things an active person keeps available such as travel discount cards. I also carry certain business cards (Like an auto repair number) just in case. Then there are those several registration sheets for the autos, boats and trailers that Connecticut just quadrupled space wise from single card to full size sheets. (It’s not safe to leave such stuff in the vehicles).

Another category is the traveler’s cards one obtains for temporary use, such as the hotel door pass, the cruise ship, or the campground’s gate-opening plastic card.

There is the need to actually carry some cash from time to time. I’m told that that was the original intent of the wallet. Once, before all this card mania, I used to carry pictures of family and such – no more room for that luxury now.

I also have a collection of fishing licenses I get to transport with me from four or five different states – they must be on your person when fishing.

I find it quite uncomfortable to drive while sitting on this conglomeration of plastic and believe that I ride higher than I used to with my wallet so full.

I know a true conservative shouldn’t depend upon more government laws and regulations, but I’ve had this recurring dream where I rent a pair of Birkenstock sandals, put a few “Save the whales” and “Stop Global Warming” bumper stickers on my Chevy truck and drive down to the State Capital demanding they make it illegal for anyone to require the use of a plastic card. I would make an exception for card-carrying Communists though.

Just how do those poor “illegals” survive all this stuff anyhow?