Video games made me do it

says this Wisconsin 19-year old, caught trying to steal vehicles during an auto theft spree. Why was he doing it? Because he had played the game Grand Theft Auto.

That's right, he bears no personal responsibility for his action. He had no idea that stealing other people's cars was unethical and illegal. For his next trick, he'll be playing EverQuest for hours on end, forsaking his family and friends, and finally killing himself when his main character Ordok doesn't get the Super-Magical Bling Bling of Power from his online girlfriend (actually a bearded 48-year old man playing in nothing but his unmentionables).

The idiot kid is to blame - not the damn game. I've played Grand Theft Auto 3 for several hours in the last couple of weeks, and not once have I been tempted to steal a car, run over the police, beat up prostitutes, or go on violent missions for underworld figures in Denver. Give me a break.

THESE WACKOS ARE EVIL, but at least they're consistent. While most people of the Judeo-Christian inclination tend to follow what I've called a la carte religion, the National Reform Association takes their Bible deadly seriously.

How deadly seriously?

Enough to think that abortion doctors should be executed, rebellious should be stoned, and homosexuals should be punished by death. While, thankfully, most people find such attitudes reprehensible, the justification for them can be found in the Good Book. I'm just not sure for whom the book is good.

At least Representative Pitts had the presence of mind to not humor this group at their conference - unlike some other people who have humored the radically religious in the past.

ALL EMPLOYEES MUST WASH HANDS - I think I've griped about this before. If not on the blog, then certainly to other people around me. Anyway, for the love of all that is right and good with the world, would you (and you know who you are) please wash your hands just once after using the men's room at the office? I can understand maybe overlooking it when you've worked a long day and you're on your way home - that's forgiveable, I'm sure, in the grand scheme of things karmic. However, when - without fail - you make number one or two and just stroll right out with nary a drop of soap touching your fingers it's too much to let drop.

Adding insult to injury, you then insist on going to the corporate kitchen and sticking the aforementioned unclean hands into various bags and jars of foodstuffs. Look, in your own home, do what you like - but no one here (to my knowledge) would eat a Dorito off of your genitals, so why do you insist on making us do just that?

No, they don't! Stop it! Please! I beg of thee! I'm thankful beyond words that our toilets flush automatically - for I dread to think what the situation would be were you required to clean up after yourself.